Ah, breastfeeding. So lovely. Much bonding. Etcetera.
G Minor is currently 8 months old and has invented some new breastfeeding moves. Super fun for when we’re out and about, or when we had guests over Christmas and New Year. Here’s how your babies can do the same.
Take a small, incredibly strong finger and insert it into mummy’s nose. Haul downwards with all your strength. Try and break the septum.
Variation: Apply pincer grip to your mother’s bottom lip. Haul as before.
The Romantic Dinner
Who doesn’t love a bit of eye contact while they eat? Direct, intimate eye contact, achieved by pulling mummy’s face down at incredibly awkward angle so you can stare directly into her eyes. In quite a menacing way.
This move is excellent as it means mummy can’t look at her phone or kindle, just examine your eyebrows up close while her neck seizes up.
The Hungry Hungry Hippo
On. Off. On. Off. On. Off. On. Off.
Take the entire feed in single sips, like it’s a fine whiskey. Don’t allow any pauses long enough for your mother to get up and fetch a whiskey.
The Door Bell
This is less a feed than a detailed examination of a nipple with the occasional face plant into the breast. Be sure to poke it good and hard. Take a very occasional drink so that the feeding session doesn’t end prematurely.
This one is great as it involves sitting bolt upright straddling one of mummy’s legs, meaning her boob is out for the world, and specifically your grandfather, to see.
Her teeth are coming in now. Ace.